#TheWeekender: 12 Times You Should Wear Sunglasses
Is it weird that the first thing I do when I look at sunglasses is look to see what's in the reflection, particularly so when shopping for sunglasses. Like, how did they not get the photographer in the image? Is it the angle? Photoshopped? What's the secret? Whenever I take a photo, or my friends take a photo, I always see some shitty parking lot, a salad, or someone in the reflection. Car selfies with Quays on, captioned "effortlessly chic" ain't fooling anyone -- put your damn seatbelt on. In leu of potential car accidents, sunglass wearing eyes can be effective on several occasions, likely to presume the "effortlessly chic" look:
1. When you're drunk.
I suffer from severe drunk eye. Drunk eye is the stage of night where, you've had one too many and feelin' some typa way, and your one eyelid ever-so-slightly-but-most-obviously droops. During the summer if I still have my sunglasses on me from a day of drinking by the beach, they will be fully on unapologetically both day and night -- if my friends are too embarrassed that "I wear my sunglasses at night" they can pretend I'm blind.
2. When you're hungover.
Your eyes say it all, the morning after. Cover the bags, the redness, the shame, with a little shade.
3. When you've been crying.
One time I was on the bus commuting home from work, and I guess I was close to getting my period because I started crying about absolutely nothing for no reason. Or maybe it was because I was on a bus, commuting, and the whole adulting thing...
4. When you have a chronic case of RBF.
Rest assured, your Resting Bitch Face isn't [as] noticeable with 'glasses on.
5. When you're lost.
Am I enjoying my day, taking in all of my surroundings with a head held high...or am I frantically shifting my gaze at every street sign wondering why the hell my smartphone hasn't figured out which way my pindrop is moving? You'll never know.
6. When you really, reallyyy, like that cute guy sitting across from you.
He enters the subway cart, or sits down at a table across from you at the cafe. He briefly looks over, which would have been direct eye contact had you not been wearing your sunglasses. You have leverage here now. You stare. You stare until it's creepy. You decide he's no longer cute because you stared for too long. You casually, and calmly, float past him as he checks you out.
7. When you decided make-up just wasn't happening today.
Because nothing says, "I woke up like dis," like a pair of killer shades.
8. When you are running late.
Because nothing says, "I just woke up like dis," like tossled hair and crooked sunglasses.
9. When it's cloudy.
My very good NYC friend, who hails from the West Coast, told me one day "It's so weird, I was asked why I wore sunglasses today." Me: "It's overcast." Her: "In California, we wear sunglasses everyday no matter what. It's chic." She was totally right, it IS chic.
10. When it's raining.
Rain drops fall from hundreds of feet in the air from a grey cloud. Protect your eyes from that shit.
11. When snow is on the ground.
Because, the sun can still be out.
12. To feel more confident.
Honestly, the most vulnerable feature on the human body are the eyes. When I have them masked, I stand a little taller, walk a little stronger, and feel a little sexier because sunglasses leave mystery to my appearance, and I love that.