The 5 Guys You Meet at College

Now I had this entire post laid out on my phone ready to go - andddd then I updated my Iphone to its iOS 9 update and everything on my phone pretty much I'll try to piece together the hilarity of what I had previously written down.

A quick disclosure for those that might get touchy or paranoid about these category descriptions: they're a dime a dozen. I've probably met about 5-6 guys that perfectly fit the part in each category.


The Lingerer

This guy is the crop dust of all college dudes, he literally does not go away. You've spent maybe 2 weeks paying attention to this guy - where after Week 1 you realized you should have cut the chord but he didn't get the hint. After 3 missed calls at 2am, 6 unanswered text messages, and two "lunch date" requests, this guy has got-to-effing-gooooo. 

Advice: Dodge him when you see him in public.... like literally jump into a bush. Block his number, delete him on all accounts, and file for a restraining order if need be. You don't need a Stage 5 Clinger in your life babe.

The Smart Guy

He sits towards the front of the class. He's a solid 6, but his smarts and pleasantly charming wit makes him an 8 - and once you've anted up to an 8, you're officially on my radar. Unfortunately he's "too nice," suffocates you with compliments, and leaves absolutely no challenge. I don't want to wear the pants in the relationship, because I don't like wearing pants at all. The first (and last) kiss tastes like Friendzone and, right then and there, you know its over. 

Advice: Keep him around as a friend. You most definitely don't want to burn a bridge with the Smart Guy, you never know when this may come in handy for you.

The Asshole

THIS is your typical frat lord, the steroid-fueled gym rat, or the "bro" guy. The dude bangs about 4-5 chicks a week - and it's literally still a mystery to me how he would get girls at all. It's obvious to absolutely everyone else he's playing you, but it comes as a total shock to you. 

Advice: Honestly, the blames on you with this one. Realize and recognize the douche - and then fucking run.

The Halfway Asshole

You're in a constant state of what-the-fuck with this guy. Are we hot, are we cold? Is this a green light? Can I say this, should I say that? But more importantly, is it him or is it you that's creating the confusion? Besides the massive question mark that's crushing the situation, he's perfect.

Advice: If its one-way, it's not workable. Neither your fault, or his, so toss it up to chance and keep it moving. As I said before, don't burn bridges because you never know what will happen.

The Post-College Potential

Whether it be a hometown friend, college buddy, or that guy you've stayed in touch with from study abroad, he's always there for you in a non-creepy, friendly way. He may never become more than a friend to you but you'll always appreciate that shoulder to cry on, his excellent advice, or coincidentally, the amazing distraction to sling back shots with when the fuckboys break your heart. 

Cassandra KicakComment